people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
