I wish I could teleport
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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