nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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