I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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