Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
