I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
