I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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