I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize