Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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