I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
