I wannas sexs uuuuu
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
