Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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