Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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