so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
