I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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