So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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