just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
