My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
