life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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