if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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