I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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