oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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