So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
