i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
