i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
