I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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