he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All the doctor said was why
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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