i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
