oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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