Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
