just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
