Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
