you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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