Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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