i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're like the curious george of whores
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
