I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
