Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
