Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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