I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
