We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
