You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize