PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
