i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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