just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
