I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
