I faked an abortion last night.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Come see our sink grown plant.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
