How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
