You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
how does that bad decision feel?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize