this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
