$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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