you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
