So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
