So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
