And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize