I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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