my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
