Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
