honey bunches of taint.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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