Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
