is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
