Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
