Pants 0. Shit 1.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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