Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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