he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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