that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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