he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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