I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I understand Curling. That high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
