I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
