What did we do last night that was yellow?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
