you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
