he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
