Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
