Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So much rum. So many feels.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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