i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
