his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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