They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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