a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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