batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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